Attactics

Favourite gift: Hefty Instruction Manual prepare for attack of tacky Red-Hat Garden Gnomes.

Attacky Garden Gnomes.

Yes Red-hatted Gnew World gnomes...gnomes-come-lately...

We original Olde Worlde Gothic Gnomes... authentical gnomes.

They... usurp...

We prepare to defend!

Father Frost & Snegurochka

Aggh!  Дед Мороз and Снегурочка arrive by stealth while we asleeping!

We exert to remain awake to receive them, but we cannot remain eyes wide all gnight.

But happily they leave by with подарки!  We belt carols... you join me in Tri belyh konya? 

Rather we sing Pesnya Deda Moroza  instead?!

Enter the Chocolate Gnome

Behemouth chocolate gnome arrives! Regard rich chocolatey chocolate!

Smell rich chocolatey chocolate...

Truly Christmas commence with chocolate...

...and terminate with presents!

*Yawn!* We struggle to remain awake!

Mayhap we eat behemouthy chocolate to remain us awake!

'Twas the gnight before Orthodox Christmas

Tis the gnight before Orthodox Christmas and all 'round the yard...
Gnot a creature is stirring, except two plethora obedient loyal trustworthy honorable gnomes who work very hard...

Truly we deserving of many gifts and presents!

 Gifts and presents?

Yes, and chocolates...! OH, hardly we sleep, we so excitable!

The Year of the Gnome

Happy Gnew Year!

Yes, truly 2012 belong to we!

2012 designation Year of the Gnome!

Fortune smile upon we; Gnomes everywhere bask in слава! 

Our Time Comes!

Be-having

Mmmft!  so gnot funny, Vladimir!  I see gnothing!

Ah haha, truly you funnyish with gno head.

Mayhap I design you gno head... awesome behaving especially important this season.  Prank not or we receive coal as receivable in stockings!

Oh! Oh! Yes! Estimable reminder of opportunistic opportunity to admirable behaviour... what shall we do to curry favours? 

Fa La La La La

Regard us our spifft Santa Hats!

Yes we acquire seasonal Joy and Joyness!

Mayhap we acquire us seasonal GIFTS to accompany our Joy and Joyness...

Yes, truly we behave angelic... no carbon lumps for we...!  (Make gno mention of power washer incidentals...)

Odyssey from Occupying

Finally we return home!

As Odysseus from Troy, we wonder lengthy time...memoryless and... 

*Ahem!* Odysseus wandering, not wondering!

What!?!?

He wander home from Troy - Lotus Eaters, Cyclops, Sirens...plethora troubles.

Truly?  Methought he wondering (amnesiac, like own selves)! Forgot how to get home to Ithaca for decade!

Mmm yes, certain he wander ten years, not wonder ten years.

Occupation Gnomes

We Occupying.  Occupying such stylish now.  We quite fashionable with Occupation.

Yes truly we Occupy on behalf of all Occupiers.

Yes Occupiers have much grievances to Occupees. 

Occupees?

Yes, those against whom Occupyers occupy....

Ah, yes.  If only we able to remember who occupy what!

Total un-Recall

No no we not fakers... we genuinely amneezed selves!

No, indeed... "we" not fakers, you faker!

We plethora amneezed, as such we forget birthday of our own human!  Truly we ungracious gnomes!

You ungracious!  I excused for amneezing myself.... truly you some bit annoying me, whoever you are!

Hedge-jacking Amnesia

Yes tragically I experience complete memory evaporating -- which render me truly innocent from hedge-jacking hi-jinx.

So you pleading innocent by insanity?

Ex-actly! I insanely innocent!  Truly I insane... Poor woeful Vladimir!  He amnesia victim.... like yourself...

Wait... you recalling own self name!  And you recalling I amnesial -- You have gnot memory evaporation!  You... faker!

Caught Red-Hooded

Methinks you caught red-hooded!  Dissemble no more - you busted - not framed!

Ah ah ah... I know gnothing of this entropic rubble! Bewilderment is I!  Truly my mind void - as like Robert Ludlum Boring Identity -- blank but in plethora trouble!

Indeed plethora ... now we both amnesial!

Oh! and you, small hooded one, who...who are you?  Ohhh I remember gnothing!

Framed!!!

Aggh!  How arrives smoking-hedge-trimmer-of-death to my own foot?  Who likely perpetrate such deed of dastardliness?  We looking bad...

We looking bad? WE looking bad??  Vicinity manifest no other visible perpetrator... verily, you only hypothetic perpetrator!

No no! Truly I... framed!

The Smoking Gun

Whaa... what happen?  Someone invade to do gigantuan mess!

Someone?

Regard volume of shrubberies massacred...truly devastation...

Uh.. methinks you kernel of such destruction....

Me? I have memory blank!  Like you...I remember gnothing! 

Regard power hedge trimmers near your feet.... and ...it ... smoking...!

Agh! Verily you correct -- smoking hedge trimmer....!

Missing mnemosyne

Oh Mother of Muses and Memory! Yet cloudy up inside brains from shock at head. Truly I know not self.  Verily, even I not certain of you...

Me?? Ah haha me? Still I trusted...

Someway I just not feeling the love... loud brain part warning against trust for you...Such woe to loosen memory. Even hood feeling mist!

Amnesia

One month you amnesiac, Greta.  Collect and proceed!  Chop chop!

Verily, I linger so memory clouded...partial recalling you approach...i reverse...reverse...

No no Greta, exert gnot with memory attempts... relaaaaaax... go forward, not back....

Distinctly I remember you approach me... i reverse.... and then....

No no no Greta, we look for ward, not behind!  Continue at future we must!

Treed again

Plethora fooies, Irene make heavy arrival.

Truly we gnuisanced under fallen branch! Such luck we gnot sustaining injurious damages.

Twice times 2011 we captivating under fallen tree branch!

Mayhap we cleave force and together push for uncumberment...

Mayhap we call SOS for rescue...

Irene, Greta, and Vladimir

Manny fooies on such undignifiedness we suffer for hurricaning!  Truly we dis-appreciate bungle-cording of we.

I vague from memory skip still after fall... but yes we appear quite battened!

Still I make profession of opinions for which we help protect against hurricaning.  Release we for hurricane help for disasterish consequencing!

The Return of the Gnative

W-w-what happen?  I faint?  Ohhhh, I some bit ache...

Oh Greta... you...uh... you slip ... you make fall but... I catch to help you... you survive small brush with gravity.  You project robust health now, yes?  All ok?

Hmm... I feel memories return as also I return...

No No! Spend no attention to such memories... you still some bit not all here... see I still see through you!

Richter Gnome

Earth Trembling - punishment for mishap of Greta.  Verily I make plethora pennances! 
Woe of contrite Vladimir with sobering pledges!

Is there a doctor in the house?

Speak at me Greta....!  Hello?  You in there?  I make much concern for you!

Quick find us our magic spell book...

Return back.... revive!  I make all out to you! 

Ach with magical medicals we revive her....

I arrive at rescue for you...!
я действительно жаль. возвратитесь я никогда не плохо себя веду снова...

Gnome Overboard

Uh oh. Greta...? Speak to us, Greta!  Small mishap gnot intentioned...  Greta?  Greta?  Truly I make plethora sorries at you... please to say some small words for reassuring and forgiving... oh Greta, I much heartfull sorries!

Gno Exit

Truly, Greta, you foil me with annoying preventions! You flea at my side!

Thorn in side... approach gnot or we give up to gravity both

Don't Make Me Come Out There!!!

Oh we SO ground now!

Look what you do!

No look what you do!

No, you....!

Tug o War

Stop!!!!

You stop!

No you stop!

I stop if you stop!

You stop first!

No you stop first!

Catch me if you Can!

Truly, you infurious, Vladimir!  You tangle me purposely!

Gnot at all - I sharing as we agree! You hold hose and I hold Power Washer. We co Operation!

This not co Operation! You demobilize me and take your way with Power Washer!  Arrest your dashing!  My turn is come!

Gnegotiating

We return to good grace after much penitentiaries and access birthday gift of Power Washer.

We make turns for first usage... methinks *I* initiate...

No, *I* hold as *you* activate water power!

Truly *I* more responsible party for controlling power washer.

No, *I* experience of Power Tools so...

Aggh we be Ground again if we gnot cooperate.

OK.  We cooperate.  *I* use first..

Down on the Farm

Regard our bounteous harvest! Certain now we return forgiven!

Hmmm. Methinks we find some few tomato fruits in your tummy! Truly more plethora of tomato fruits than here!

Ah but they green and small and hard.  And gnot tasty....

Ah HA, i suspect truth!

Plantation Gnomes

We toil in hot sun for garden harvest... sweatings sting eyes...

Vladimir you so drama. We atone "our" (*ahem*) misbehavings to escape DogHouse.

Mayhap we sing peasant songs to ease work load...! Bag powerful heavy...song arriving in throat...назад в былые времена...

Please not to s--Hey, what the -- you eat! You sneak snacks!

Ah..heh heh...tiny taste for crop acceptableness. I quality control!

Ha more we need you Quantity control! I check bag!

Gnomes Unplugged

We much boring in Dog House. And dark! Necessitate we compensations for return of good graces.

Fortuitous idea! We wood chip for pulverize yard wastes, yes!?

No! Power Tool lust causation of us trouble.  Mayhap we harvest vegetable garden...

We assume hedge trimmers and massacre rampant shrubberies?

NO! No Power Tool activities. Only manual methodologies.

Mayhap we use our manuals to ignition Power Tools....

Gnomes in the Dog House

Oh we shamed! We hang hoods in contritely mortificating!

We some bit unfairly shamed...truly small disagreeing for sharing...

We selves in Dog House in Time Out! We exhausting from chase and we punished and we have confiscating Power Washer! We woeful miserable.

Mayhap I stealthy retrieve Power Washer while gnobody gnotice!

No, Vladimir! You badly behaving suffer us already and incur us ire! We must do amending penances and curry favours for absolvement!

On the Run

I *puff puff* gaining at you, Vladimir! I take over you!

No! *puff puff* Fleeting I run from you...*pant pant*...

You run fast yes *pant pant* but you inable for hide.  I wearying you....you slow soon and then... I put you in corner...

Siege

Agh she siege me! I concealed yet captived in stealth grotto ... in gneed of invisibility spell... but how smuggle Power Washer without draw gnotice?  

Ah! She turn for distraction.. quick make I dashing sprint? or re-search again spell for disappearances...?  Oh, distract... distract...!  Look yonder!

Incognomo

Ah! I incognition here in ferny flora... she gnever suspect hidden grotto... stealthy I secret myself.

Truly methinks own self deserving birthday Power Washer.  Me, myself, plethora experienced in Power Toys, uh.. Power Tools...

Mayhap I teach Greta some few power skills .. after I test drive giften Power Washer.

AWOL

Stop! You corrupt Power Washer!  Was gift to we both! Vladimir!

Ha HA!  Catch *puff * puff* me! Law is nineteenths possession!  Quickly I flee!

Vladimir, you vigorously gnavish... *puff * puff* arrrghh!

I first usage destiny! Regard *pant * pant* my speediness!

HydroGnomes

oh we thrilling with gift! Personalized Power Washer of our own selves!

Truly we free range power washers!

Such fortitude we carry!

Such Hydronical strength!

Greta, methink I be primary Hydrognome...

Happy Birthday for Us!

Today! Today! Today!

Yes, we -- Greta!!! You grow... tall...!

Today we arrive at birthday 113th! 

Over night!  You grow...!?

Suppose we request birthday coffee for begin celebration?

You more tall than... ME!

Sugar? 

Ahhh! Greta, you elevate on pedestal!  *Ahem!* MY pedestal...!

Cream?

Greta...we exchange places after some time?

Birthday countdown

One day more!  We counting!

113!  So fast we grow up!

Yes, Greta you almost high as me now.  Mayhap you find growth spurting!?

We celebrate birthdays - ice creams?  Cakes?  Disneyworld?

Cleanliness is Gnext to Gnomliness

hmm... regard us!  We infinitely cleanly now!

Much improved we feel! Intensely attractive we be! Sparkly bright we are!

Yes, we powerful cleanly!  Truly we approaching alabaster white!

Oh, admire us our gnew cleanishness! Fans must needs wear sunglasses for our dazzleness!

LaundroGnomes

Aaaggghhh!  Sspllfft!  Plaagh!

We force-cleaned!

Stealth attack from GrimeBuster!

We melllllting!  We mellllting!

Oh... but... regard the brownness of water leaving us...

Mayhap in truth, we carry some bit grime...

Attack of the Power Washer

Ach! Powerwasher attacking we gnomes! Help! Help!

We captivated! He tangle us fearsomely!

Mayhap we appearance ourselves grimy?

Oh gno, we hoping he gnot power wash us...

PowerGnomes

It arrives! Tis the seasonal season for power tools!  Power hedgers, power mowers, power washers...

Divine we that Power GrimeBuster arrive by stealth last night?

Truly this is sign...a message for we powerful Gnomes! Mayhap we obliging to lend for some powering!

Uh, I think you mean borrow for some powering...

I borrow it to you after I finishing power GrimeBusting....

Solidarity!

We flocking to Bolungarvik for Solidaritarizing with Peevish Icelandish  Elfs.

Yes we join with hidden people opposition for avalanche barricades:
"2-4-6-8! 
Gno More Dynamate!"  

Here we hiatus our protesting and pranking to make hot springs visit - very gnice waters.... ahhh!

Lucky Like

Already Lucky Lagomorph bring us lucky luck!

Yes!  Regard where lucky luck make LIKE button to appearance on world famous gnome blog!

Two LIKE buttons - oh, plethoras of LIKE buttons on all entries!  Such exciting buzz for our fortune and fame!

Plethoras of LIKES we attracting from admiring fans!

Oh, we so famous!

Rabbit luck

"RABBIT!" We invoking small lagomorph this first of July for luck.

Yes, hoping big-eared small one retains mystical powers (much like ourselves) to spread удача for we and our humans.

Sinisterness and scaryness will gnot dare to approach us!

Yes, we quite safe from unlucky luck this month!

And yet.... somehow... I feeling vague sense of...

Rabbiting

Mystrious Lagomorph lurking.  We make noticing June 1, but wethinks mayhap he appearance himself priorily. 

Rather he appreciating us here; he most respecting and admiring of us.

Mayhap he invoked for archaic human ritual to "Pronounce Rabbit" first time of first gnew month day?

Mayhap he hear tails of INFamous bloggstar Gnomes of Cambridge and arrive to make us tributaries...

You mean... he pay tribute at us...?

Whateverish...

Gnarrow Escape

Torpedoes sweep through Massachusetts!  We remain low profile to escape destructive funnel. Truly we become pioneer storm chasers!

Uh, mayhap you mean Tornadoes...?

Ach, torpedoes... tornadoes...

Keeping up with the Montagues

New World Gnomes recent arrivals to Gnomish culture.  Red hats and moonish faces lacking dignifying bearing of we Olde Worlde Gothic gnomes.

Gnever was a story of more woe than this of Juliet & her Gnomeo.

Truly, we bite our thumbs at them!

Confessions of Snow Magnates

We confess...We guilty.  We bring massive snows to attack Gnew England!

Yes, our powerfulness summon crippling snowstorm; truly we magnatic for snow. 

All in path of destruction fear us...  we massively potent!

Mayhap we conjure Oobleck next...

We Attractive

Ah, understand!  Snow magnets - attract consistent snows.  we cultivate magnet powers for elements...

...elements - gold, silver, uranium...?

No, elements as weather.

Prefer we moguls....not magnets...