Take Me to Your Weeder

Truly we inhabitation of spritely garden, far between few weeds!
In fact, we diligence weeders, togethering tall human weeder too.  You like to meet obsessing weeder human?  She quite funny-ish.  You like weeding?  Weeding much on your planet?  Why so silencing?  You mayhap awesomed to my fearfulness?

Close Encounter of the Gnome Kind

Look, Greta!  Alien arrival!  Gnew life form approach!

Honest, Vladimir, sometimes I think you quite alien...

He friendlyness...  approach to shaking hand.  What greeting we say of alien visitor?
Доброе утро!   Как дела?  Откуда Вы прибываете?

Hmmm... he silences!  Mayhap he fearsome of me..?  Quite possible... likely!  I make ease for him....

Flower Power

Ah such smelly flowerings, surround splashing colours and ancient druid secrets.   Truly springy feverings rampaging, flower power awaiting. 

Mayhap I recalling recipes for spelling cast... er, for casting spell... use of such flower plantings in olden days quite powerful....

Hmmmm.... what to spell?

Lawn Service

Hark!  Who dare plant such banner... here?  Whom calling "pest"?  Such implication we disappreciate!

Tranquilize, Vladimir... truly over react. 

Pfffff!  Suggest we apply to be pest?   Suggest we applied at lawn as pest?  Suggest...

No one label us "pest"... 

AH, mayhap a typo... in truth suggest we "Best" .... others gneed gnot to apply?

Cloak of Invisibility

Such gnews!  Invisibility cloak!  Truly objects vanish from view in three dimensions!

Hmmf!  Dubiousness of such magic.  This gnot Hogwarts.. this Cambridge!

German scientist... Karlsruhe Institute of Technology!  Former Kernforschungszentrum Karlsruhe...

Vladimir, we trying invisibility once, you recalling 2007 November?

Here, I quote Science: "Invisible cape...made of crystals ...air spaces ... bend light to hide...

Agh, here goes we again... invisibleness gnot suiting to me!!!!!

UNundead at last

Aaaggghhhhh!  Such conversions from UNdead to unUNdead! 
Negating moleculicity of structurals between worlds....  exhausting truly... I drain... but gnormal at last.

Why such events always befall Vladimir, who only wish peaceness and safety for all... truly we need vacation.

2B or not 2B

Cure to riddance of UNdead Vampyrishness!
Under moonish night... dig deepish circle hole... line with starlight and raindroppings... two clovings garlic at bottom.
Make breath then, hood-in at 64 degree angle... for all blood to fall to head... inhaling garlicky fume... counting to 100.

Opening eyes to see if reflection yet in dark of hole.  If yes, then Vampirishness solution successfully!

Up a Tree

You there, small boney one!
You daren't descend -- fearing unDead reefercussions!
Truly I ferocious you up up up and away from lurking and haunting gnuisancing!
HaHA...I guardianing gnobly as unDead.... you stay high and ... awayish...

Twilight

Now I hang with celebrity вампир - Truly, I and товарищ Edward ... we become chummy ... hang out ... chew fat... drink pints... (though truly, we regard Bella some bit boring.) 
Mayhap Cullen adoption to family... hoping they gnot regard me competitous (for alpha vampyre...) some вампир a bit gnasty... and scary!

Quoth the Gnomen, "Gnevermore"...

Owwww!  Full moon call me!   I rise to occasion, open cloak, take wing, like летучая мышь...

Vladimir, full dramatics call you! What you up to now with towel?

True Vampyre needing respectful cloak!  I borrow...Mayhap I quoth "Nevermores"...

Nevermore qothed by Raven, not Bat!

Gnosferatu

Agh, save me from loathfull self -- such sorry tragedy to become UNdead...

Vladimir, I tell you, we gnot UNdead, you gnot Vampyre!

...how happened this ghoulishm?  Mayhap ancestrals from Transylvanian descent... very adjacent to Russia...

Vladimir, you desist such insaniting!  And remove sillyness of tomato hoop...

It is cage...for I be dangerous! I roam earth under cover of gnight, search for... oh too terrible to consider...

Ach, serousness - if you truly Vampyre, so why you out making such moans under cover of bright sunshine?

Here be Vampyres?

Mayhap we be Vampyres?  Truly not reflecting

Hmm, dubiously we NOT-dead, which similarly not as UN-dead....

Truly, NOT un-dead, which be double negativity...which mean...

Opposite....Wait....!  We... dead?

Ah, for certain we see some hazy imaging... please?

Worser and worser...

Mfffxxxxbbbbff!  Soon we be frozen fossils, bury for epochs under glacier layers....

Mmff! Mfmbmbff!  Geologists discovery our bones with mastodon skeletons and peaty materials!

Ohhh, we doomed, we doomed!  Where Global Warming when so gneedy!

Mfffmfmfmf!  To rescue!  Melt us! Set FREE us from frozen tomb of silentness and white!

Avalanche?

Mmmffff... this MUCH undignified!

We cannot see out!

Or speak out!

We buried!

Mffbbbffxxx...

How cold was it?

We gnot cold!  We hardy Russian gnomes... where bones bite from true fridgidness.  But truly, it blows fierce wind today....

Scarfs just for decorative... fashion announcement.

Mm, mayhap you mean fashion statement...

Yes, statement of us to be not cold. 

Mayhap we find fashion statement hat too?

Boxing Day

Merry Boxing Day!   After busy gnight for help Saint Nicolas with some few erranding, we exhaust of chimneys!

But gnot of presents! Regard such gnice stockings, full and puffy...

Yesterday we wrap, cook, deliver, clean...finally we scrub from sooty stacks to open herewith stockings!  Christmas not happen without we helpers.

Today, we boxing.

Yes we much deserving of OFF DAY.... so hard working are we....

The Day After

Regard us our gnew heights!  Truly hats grow taller than we.

And, we survey blizzard postmath, beautious wonderland, like olden days.

Much shovel and scraping ahead, we mayhap start handing out shovels.... we such helping hands, truly we "keepers".

And mayhap we stay up for midnight New Years?

Hat Envy

Ah, freezing snow makes truly glamming Santa hat with me, think you?

Hmmm, ye-es, but once melting, it likely flop over again... but mine...

Regarding puffy eleganting of symmetry, truly I musing right now my hat quite more bigger of our two...

Well, right now...is tricky,  as sun moves to us I thinking you lose superior hatting.

Fawlty Hat

How to be Christmas Gnome when my hat refuse to cooperate!  Much encouragement needed for it to stand tall.

Yes, truly my hat raise tall and pointy!

Fmmmf!  I try but my hat habit to fall over to side.  Arrggh!

Yes, MY hat much the stronger!

Get your Gnomes out of the Gutter

Hmmm, some few leafs cloggiing gutters...much twigs and dirt...

Very slopey steep up here, I feeling gravity slidings...

And what be these smallish clumps?

Ahem....seemingly raccoons using roof for...

Ewwwww...!

We best wait for help....

Skeleton Standoff

выйти! Shoo! уйти!  Haunting time long gone!  Away you brittle bundle of bones!  Poof!  You disappear now!

We all seriousness!  You, скелет in tree!  We come and get you!  Gno hiding from us...we gnot kidding!

You femurs not toooo scary big!

Hmm, I afraid of height!  Mayhap I am stuck!

Liquid Gnomes

We dissed on FaceBook for "back-seat yardworking"!

Regard you our diligence, slavering away in such pouring rain...

Up on slippery ladder - we so small and mere - to reach treetops for snippings and shrubbings...

Robes leaking cats and dogs... soaking in eyes and noses...

We so Gnonappreciated...

Garden Gnomes

we make marveling effort on branches and shrubbings!  Many piles of debris!

Yes, look you busy as we pose for photo of efforts and accomplishings!

15 barrels of branches and weeding!  We make marathon yard cleanup!

Mayhap we now ask for ice scream and popcorn?

Tied in Gnots

Aggh, we entangled with stringed Jacking Lantern and scary skulls!  They not ridding of us, we tied up!

Already time for next holiday lightings and decoratings but we ensnared with binding lights!

Hostages to Halloween!

DejaVu all over again

Wondrous fortune to set clocks back day after Halloween! We re-experience yesterday once more...

Vladimir, I think we do not reset clocks full day, only full hour.

...two Halloweens, twice the candies...truly 2009 maGNificent year...should we re-dress?

Vladimir, listen!  Sad to disappoint, but 365 days until we Halloween again.

Magic Trix

Mayhap we do some entertainment for great sucking up for Hallowing permissions to Trick & Treat?
Yes, a song... a dance?  I read poetry?
No, much better -- a Magical Show!  Ah, I know amazing trick... Greta, lie down.. just here...

Oktober!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

uh oh...Oktober arrive... we must settle Strike!
Ah yes, best behaviour for Oktober!
Release signs and pickets!
Truly we lucky for home and family!  Yes, we much appreciating good fortune!
Still some few weeks to resurrect good graces and charms... 
Yes, yes, we throw off all attitudes today.  Mayhap some yard clean-up for startings?

S-T-R-I-K-E!

We demand rights!
And conditions!
And rights to conditions!
We see movie Gnorma Rae... 
TV, popcorns, ice screams!
Manicures, Massage!
Power Tools!

Help! Help!

Oh the indiGNity!
We captured and taken as slavery! 
Like common criminals! 
Beasts of burden! 
Oh! Oh!  Resist!  Resist!
Quick, make break for Pilates class... we run oppositely and gnot be taken down...

Intervention

Uh oh!  We soon evicting from Suburban Spa, dragging home against our will!  Oh, farewell to Reiki, Rose Petals, and Relaxation, back to daily grind -- work, work, work....

But mayhap one last Massage before check out....

MetroGnomes

Truly Suburbanning is like Spa...ahhh.
Such relaxation and pampering we have here!  Delighting in such decadence... splash splish!
Mmm, massage I think?  Or Yoga?

Mayhap I have manicure....

We so vacationing in Suburbies...

Spoiled Rotten

Aaaahh! This the life! We Suburban Gnomes now!
We Guests of Honour and Appreciating!  Toasty and dry indoors with TV and many delightful popcorns and ice screaming!
Truly we become celebrities of Lexington ...declining to return home where we are not provided popcorns or TVs...
Hmm, mayhap I gneed such hat as intrepid archaeologist Jones...

The Bright Side of the Moon

Sparkly lining to cloud of Mission Delay... we remain earthbound to offer birthday whishes to Reignome who collect gnine years this 13 day of Gninth month -- hmm, mayhap 13th day would have been unlucky for travel anyway...
We sending joyous greetings and calcium to strengthify growing skeletal structures of true FOG (friend of gnomes).
Gnock Gnock...
С днем рождения!!!!

Houston we have a Problem

Delay of Moon Mission Accomplished!
Such sorrows not to launching voyage of giant step for Gnomekind but truly, star astrognaut gneeding much recovery from trauma of dastardly disc drama.
Many thank yous to fans for all petitioning GNASA... Mission Control waiting patiently for my speeding recovery.

Paper Moon

Many fans sign petition to delay moon mission for me.
I file papers with GNASA for them to know such popularity signifies public opinions and strength of support for Vladimir the Valiant to be First Gnome on Moon.
Truly they gnote my significances.
A thousand curses dastardly discs disrupt my destiny.

On the Disabled List

Moon mission approaches and still I disable myself!
What to do! What to do!
Truly it is destiny for me to be first Gnome on Moon... there cannot be understudy for such great footprint!

Please sign petition to Powers Who Be for delay of launch until necking problem subdues.

G6-G7

ach, I still tipping Greta. Great pains in neck and shoulder... see my arm scrunches up to cramping and shoulder goes all hunchy!? I walk much like Quasimodo... though, true, he memorably famous...

Yes, Vladimir, of course you hunchy.... dastardly G6-G7 disc herniation makes painful dramas with nerve roots, we learn this takes much recovering.

Today...Today...Today!

Happy Happy Birthday to we!

111 very lucky number to be! Like jackpot!

We make much celebrations, with responsibility and dignity of course.

Fans to come and pay respects, we await reception lines.

Oh, what to do about traffic of vehicles? Mayhap we gneed valet parking?

Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow...

...we creep in this pretty place...

Ahem...excusing, but Macbeth say petty pace...

...I prefer pretty place...but tomorrow is big massive day for we turning 111!

Lucky number year! We grow up so fast...

Step away from the coffee cup

Ahhhh! Truly wonderful aroma, this кофе! Quite strong-ish scent, somewhat mischievous, yet grounding.

Agh, we be ground if you do not resist! Release mug! We warned from caffeines!

Ahh, but just one small sip hurts nothing... mffff, it compels to inhale, taste, experience the caffeines, to yield to...

Остановитесь!! Step away from coffee cup!

Smelling the Coffee

Still thinking we try some кофе...much stimulation and energizing for us as perhaps we have springy fevers.

Mmmm, Vladimir, mayhap too much energizing you gnot so good ...coffee powerful stimulant.

Verily, I become even more charismatically dynamite!

But we are refused coffees...say adrenaline seriously whelming!

Neverminding, I keep try. кофе look quite fun!

GNASA

Ah we arriving, ready for work!

Mayhap we announce ourselves to security? Regard "Plant Security" sign...

Plant security? All shrubberies looking secure to me! Come, we enter hallowed ground of GNASA... and prepare to commence training program for Astrognauts!

On the Red Carpet

While we await moon mission, our fame advances! Surely Miss Gnomebody (film to future release) tell story of our trials and tributaries... our valourous deeds...

Truly, Vladimir, I think we mis-hear...film is Miss Nobody...

Ah, but perhaps we suggest to title Mr Gnomebody... after all is said and gone, my darings and dauntings inspire...

Why all paparazzis watching that way? We over here... hello? hello?

Countdown

We receive Launch Assignment from Mission Kontrol Commander for 13 day of 9th month! How exciting are we!

Yes, we to be first Gnomes on Moon! I document well with Moon Journal of voyage!

We counting down...162 days to liftoff!

Lunarcy calls!

Bang Zoom, to the Moon!

Vladimir I about ready to send YOU to Moon myself...Bang Zoom!

No, no, you cannot send me to Moon, Greta! Assigning must originate from Mission Control... mayhap they calling now...hark, I hear telephone ring?

You serious lunacy!
Ringings in ears and moons in eyes!

AstroGnaut

This my good side? I pose formal lunar astrognaut portrait! Mayhap I turn other profile...? Regard real helmet...

Hmmf, helmet too small for your big head...

Our famousness know gno bounds once first Gnomes walk on Moon!

...and pointy hood...

One small step for Gnome, one Giant Leap for Gnomekind!

AstroGnomes

Ahh...beautious, isn't she? We quite hypnotics by луна!

Look, our famousness great as we now bear officially mention in Moon Journal suggesting we mayhap first Gnomes on Moon!

Regard variety of colourings, shadings...

Hmm...how you think we might look in SpaceSuits?

"Intelligence"

We make contacts with real spy who very much interesting in us! Even he collect business card of us!

Mayhap for our radiatings and gnegativity appearings?

Mayhap, but likely most for our stealthings and cleverings! See how we blend with camouflagings... oh, we making of great spies...

But mayhap we must move to Virginia?

Busted!

oh gno! We caught Facebooking - Make chattings with fans! Let us gnot be ground!

Mayhap we say we searching for anti-radiating cure -- research garlicky remedies.

Garlicky remedies gnot for radiations, garlicky remedies for Vampirings!

Vampirings!? Truly we gnot interest for кровь! Eeeewwww!
Let us post facebooking page for fans:
http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/profile.php?id=1266333103&ref=profile

Gnegative Gnomes

Aagggh! What darkness fall on we now? We...become...charred from radiations? Oh GNO!

Relaxing, Greta...simply super powers of invisibility! See we melt in darkness... like camouflage...

We gnot melting in darkness, Vladimir, we become gnegative! Mayhap we gneed much rubbing with garlic to cure us now...