Who is the Alpha Vladimir?

Too many Vladimirs all konfusion! I am writer, I write new spell:

UNIFY Vladimir and his selves all
Make eleven into one
Keep him sized, not cute and small
And not invisible when spell is done!

Here, have Santa Hat when finished such schizophrenics...

Vladimany

Greta! Send false ones away, I am true Vladimir! They impost my place...

Not to listen, Greta, I am Vladimir, keeper of safeties and securities...

Greta, do not heed to them. I am real Sir Vladimir the Valiant of Calcium and Cambridge...

Will the real Vladimir stand up?

What happens here? Imposters all!

Who so bring many false Vladimirs?

Greta, you help me чистка these шпионы, yes, they probably spies...

Vladimir Multiplied

Ah, spell working! Vladimir multiplies to size...
Uh oh, eyes tricking funnies......two and three Vladimirs regenerate!
Oh no! Spell multiplies him by four! By five!

See video of Vladimirs becoming many...too many!

Snow Spell

Vladimir, new spell!!
We speaked aloud, but all whiteness in big snow.

To see secret spell, roll cursor to make invisible visible... we hold fingers crossing....please to return us largened Vladimir!

MULTIPLY VLADIMIЯ TO ЯEAL SIZE
SO WE SEE HIM WITH OUЯ EYES
TOE OF FЯOG AИD EYE OF ИEWT
GET HIM HEЯE FOR CHЯISTMAS LOOT!

Keeping things under his hat

Verry again not funny Greta!

Not at all, Sir Vladimir. You in hiding from green "friend"...

Is undignified! Cannot see! What if He sneak up again? Your fault, you misspeak spell and shrink me. Please largen or invisible me again. Tinyness is not suiting me.

My fault!? Who unheeding warning and speak first spell without carefulness?

...бормотание, бормотание...must find spell before annoying Moai find me...

Slowly he turned...

Aaaaggghhhhh!

Such terribleness to be close to ground at small annoying enemy size! Perhaps even smaller...must think fast and try niceness....

Oh, Esteemed Komrad Mold--uh--Moai, ten thousand pardons for historical annoyances! Shall we say truce and make parleys for olden times? Truly I jest in previous days with you...ha ha...please to stand a bit more distance from me...ha ha...

Payback time!

A thousand curses to these смешной tiny legs...

...they do not run fast...

...must find cover before annoying Moai learning of my misfortunateness...

...where to hide from him...?

Tiny Trouble

Oh No!!! Hide me! Look who come for tormentation of unfortunate Vladimir under tinyness spell!

I am sorry, Vladimir...perhaps I read wrong spell and make you shrink... but truly, you look terrifically sweet as tiny gnome.

SO not funny Greta. You must find spell to largen me...

Size Matters

Aggh! What spell you make me? Greta, Look!



No, down here! Look me down here!



Oh ужас! I think you shrink me small!

Small Problem

Aggh! What happen?


All suddenly looking different!


Greta! Where you are?

Sneaky Spelling

Noooo Greta Stopppp!
Do not read me spell! I do not want....

Hat trick

Ah, Vladimir, for once you listen me and wear hat! Is cold, and invisibility must be even more cold...

Special Inkka Chullo warrior hat very warm. Truly I enjoy invisibleness...no finding amazing disappearing Vladimir!

Yes, truly you are very invisible! (But, ha ha, now you wear hat and I find you!) I have no idea where you be...

Revenge on Big Moai

Vladimir! Return here! Cease from annoying Mr Moai head!

ха, Greta! I have payback time! ха ха!

But I find spell to return you visibility!

No, NO! I am rather to liking my invincibility! I sneak with such stealth unseen! And tease Big Annoying Moai head! Must find small green moldy one to push buttons now. Gno one can catch me! Bwahahahaha!

Invisible, not invincible! Is different. Please come so I say spell for reconstitute you!

...And Wrongerer...

Did it work? Is visibility yet returned to me?

Hmmm, not so much, Vladimir...

проклятый! Hands and feet still un-appeared...

Very sorry to report...you have gone all missing.

All? Complete? As I were not here at all? Aagghhh! Such terribleness this spelling business! What to do!? I will be such missed by all....

And Wronger...

Not funny Vladimir! Stop to saying spells, feet return but you miss top!

помогите мне, Greta! Thinking to reverse but I disappear variously too much!

We seek to find spell for "Kontrol Z!"

What is this "Z"?

Undo! Undo!

Things go Horribly Wrong

Vladimir! Your feet go missing!

What? проклятый!!! I feel legs but look -- not there! Invisibility wraps from belly down! но это ужасно!

You spoke spells, Vladimir! Cause such повреждение! Now how to repairing? Why always you such trouble! We will be ground again!

Oh, fix me! fix me! Quick, give magic book of spells again. We search for перемена spell... what повреждение!

Magic and Spells

Look Vladimir, I find powerful magic book from ancient times of Stoned Age.

We make clever plan to keep safeties from Gnomenappers. Read us some spells of invisibility and disappearings!

Be careful, Vladimir, magic is not toy...

Ach, Greta, worries always! How is worst can happens? See magic sparkles jump off page, they want to make us spells! Let me read one...

Time to Leaf

I have loost Greta! Does she hide from raking chores - not like herself... but....Understand since I am the stronger and more powerful rake.

I am not loost, you тщеславный рабочий! You blizzard me with leaves! получите меня отсюда! Most dark and itchy here! Escape me! помощь!! помощь!!

Ah, perhaps good to hide from Gnomenappers...but must be better way...

Gnomenapping in Oregon!!!!

Oregon Gnomenapping! Gnomes stolen from homes and held in Police Station.

Proof to need sword for defend not just home, but much valued Gnome blogStars. Our famousness bears much risk!

"We need to get them out of here," Capt. Richard Harrison said. "... they're sitting in my chair, working on my computer..."

Unclaimed gnomes to be… auctioned! How sad for homeless gnomes.

Ach, Greta, just New World gnomes…hats, color, beards, cheeks...blecch!

This matters gnot, gnome unclaimed is like death of soul…imagine no belonging! Vladimir, is your heart become stoned?

Hmm, what fun to wait in Oregon police station and sit at desk of Captain Harrison… I wonder… does he have blog?

Vladimir, make attention! Must we more incognitoly hide for safety?

Ah, I see, perhaps we too famous now...

LimeLight

Our famousness is infecting! Blogger Guru Bill Ives stars us on his popular Portals and KM blog -- so powerful in media world of web 2.0. All eyes will turn upon us...

We do well by lime light, do we gnot?

A bit green, I think we appear us ill.

Ah we are such born stars!

Porn stars?!!!

No, no, born stars, I say BORN stars!

Fat Vlad

Agh! Such embarrassment! Greta, what happens to me?

You eat all Halloween candies, that happens to you! Warnings I gave, and you never listen! First you sick to die. Now... now... you FAT!

This largeness I do not like. Starvations must come now!

Too many of Good Things

Ohhhhh! Tummy has great pains!

Ach, Vladimir, warning of no help! You are sick with candies.

You do not help, Greta, with punishing words. Ohhhh!

Next time listen to my wisdom!

This may be death to me... ohhhh!

Halloween Loot

Look well upon looted candy in piles at feet! Most triumphant Hallowing ever!

Remember, Vladimir, not to eat all, as we say in guest appearance to Safeties of Halloween lecture...as special guest stars invited to appear on Cambridge blog...

Mmmm! So much симпатичный small packages, no harm to eat many!

But we warn against buzz of sugar...

...yes but winter over our shoulders, we need fat to protect for chill...

Ach! Warnings as tummy ache be best teacher... resist yourself!

Gnew Costumes

15 days left to begin Hallowing! All compete for Oktober candy fiesta!

Vladimir!... is not competition...

Admire us our costumes! Special customing armor to Sir Vladimir the Valiant! Thinking Cap with reading glasses for Greta, author of our dauntlessing escapades that be sincerely adventuring!

You promise I am "Dame Greta" if you are "Sir Vladimir"...

I think maybe I say "Damn, Greta!...haha, kidding only! Trick-and-Treaters will find us fearsome and terrified!

TerrifyING, not terrified... and to reminding you again, is Trick-OR-Treat, not Trick-AND-Treat!

Halloweegnomes

Finally Oktober! We begin our readying for Hallowing season!

Last year costume was most successful -- we tricked many people who were not recognizing royal Gnomes in disguise!

We liked very much our cloaks and masks (sometimes difficult for seeing) and small gargoyle pet was much fearsome too.

Gnomes of 02138

Even but larger more возбуждение gnews for Gnomes of Cambridge! We are linked to from CCTV blog site for NeighborMedia program in 02138!

Officially now we are true stars of media!

But what is 02138?

Secret numbers typical for code location of People's Republik of Cambridge... dark glasses permit us to roam incognitoly among our many 02138 fans. By these we will not be begged for artographings or photographings.

Ah, of course...our location is code....certainly to hide us from Paparazzi...

...and I will be Sir Vladimir of 02138...

Gnight Gnomes

Now I am gnight -- I am Sir Vladimir!

How is this you are Gnight? You give airs to yourself!

See my gnobility leaps from gnight photo! Am I gnot dramatic and fearsome? I am галантный gnight! Even I hear "Sir Vladimir the Valiant..."

Ach Vladimir, maybe you are just gnight of dark, hah hah!

Sir Vladimir! Do gnot насмешка at such elevation!

False Hoods

All lies -- I had no fears, he startle me - with such sneakiness! Falsehoods to say elsewise...mere small annoying Moai head, green, like mold - брутто!

I leave helmet only to jump so vigourously up with my extreme strength! and how did Moldy Moai get wearing Inkka helmet first of all?

Vladimir's worst Gnightmare

Vladimir, do not be alarm but...раздражающий in-coming.

Where? I see no annoyances or alarms...

Even interesting, he wear Chullo hat, er...helmet.

What? Extra warrior in Inkka armour?
Must I fight again? Does he carry heinous stink?

Show to me yourself, Friend or Fiend!

Millinery Musings

Greta, I am thinking Inkka
warriors use Chullo hats for
helmets. I, too, wear Chullo
helmet, like great Inkka - we
braveries have much in common. - V

Me, I am thinking Inkka derive

from "Ink" so they be great penners of stories,
like I, writing memoirs...we "Inkers" have much in common. - G

Wonderfully we wear our Peru heads, don't you think? Let us admire once more again...

INkka Style

We are bestowed Inkka hats similar exactly to ancient Andean Inkka people for centuries!

Very strong empire Inkka build with these Chullo hats! Largest empire ever in Amerika until Pizzaro, that ублюдок, put last Inkka to death exactly 474 years ago this very day! We wear hats in sorrowful tribute for Atahualpa, last true Inkka king.

Many thanks to our люди for bringing us these Chullos from far-away Peru, they esteem our guarding and valor greatly.

Lonely Gnomelies

Guarding home while люди away in South Amerika but became lonely.

All safing except for aggression-bearing grackoons and sparking skwerrils who act for if they own deck. Birds we do gnot mind unless dropping dirty businesses on our heads, this we dis-appreciate.

Annoying Moais kept in place fearing us greatly. Small green one nowhere seen - surely he fleed in great fear, large one remains fronting near cars.

One large intruder with white scar we scare off with brandishing weapons and Russian curses, though faced with superbly heinous stink. We frighten him much, our bravery and our fierceness gnows gno boundaries...

Faithfull to family fiefdom, dauntless to ever death, Protectors of perimeter
-- Greta and Vladimir, valiant homeys.

Gnoble Gnomes

Now - holding sparkling fire on stick -- it is like gnoble gnomes again.

And small Big Moai Head is nowhere to see! Heh, heh, heh to him, I say. We celebrate our gnobility - call for sword, I hear many dangers!

Vladimir! You cannot do sword...after power machete incident and gnitting gneedles! (another story, another time.)

Ach, you so worry! We are homeys, holding much responsibility for when all are away soon and we hold all safeties in our grasps!

Meanwhile....

Heh...heh...heh...
Moais make much merry mischief on Vladimir, such easy bait with big buttons to push.
Must try not to laugh...
laughing bad for Moais...
...can crack face...

Gnasty Moai

проклятый!
Where did annoying
little Moai go to?

I know he is close,
I feel his дерзкий eyes upon me...

Ха!, you think to sneak up on Vladimir!
Нет! Vladimir sees all! You will have many sorries, little green сорняк! I have many eyes and you do not shiver my gnerves of steel!

Gnightmare

Am I in a bad dream?
From where is this small Big Moai Head from? Look, Greta, he mocking me!
Go away from me, you small insignificant вредитель!
Go away, or I blow пукания toward you!

Royal China

Today is actual birthday!

We receive special gifts from small fans -- royal china with our gnames! We are much honoured by such празднование!

спасибо to all who celebrate with us (and not with Harry Potter) - We await to next year to have 110 years...

one hundred & gnine

развлечение party, many fans arrive with gastrognomic honours, but highlight was pheGNOMEnal cake... note stoned wall we are standing on on cake. Our человек draws cake this time by herself! We are so proud!

We are gladdened by all who came (and did not stay home to read Harry Potter book) and very happy to be of such важность to our люди and their friends.

Greta and Vladimir (with Golden hat) and Greta

Gnome Talk

Our день рождения party is this weekend!- Greta

да! Our 109 years! How exited to show off stoned wall!- Vlad

Ah, wall you got stuck in, and our little человек lift up you out?- Greta

эй! I jump very hard, she need barely use one arm! - Vlad

эй! I am there when she "jump" you, do not выдумка to me! - Greta

Gneanderthals

We have built Great Stoned Wall! Yes, our work is masterful! Gneanderthal gnome ancestors were expert stoners back in Cro-Magnome days! Greta, please to help me get to other side, I seem to be built-inside great stones! Many admirers we will have of our craftsgnomeship.
- Vladimir

Oops....

дерьмо!!!!!!
- Vladimir

Safety ggogles

For me, I like the ggogles. They are such stylish and look like I am real writer that I am, with my gnom-de-plume for writing our memoirs.
- Greta aka "Gretchen"

Obi-Wan-Gnobi

See how I massacre bad shrubberies with large power machete. I have much responsibility and charged with many duties which are included guarding our yard, slashing invasive weeds, and protecting against intruders...to speak of, where is Big Moai Head? I must brandish large power machete at his Big Moai Nose.
- Vladimir

Ready for our close-up

We have been discovered! Soon we are even famouser as inside YouTube video! With experiences as world travelers, we are chosen to test city guides - very important job. Perhaps we open Piglet Bank to buy iPhone.

Mo Go

Big Moai Head. Hey, Big Mo, you want to mow lawn? yuk yuk yuk.

Vladimir! You are mean. He is guest, like us.

All the way from Easter Island, are you EGG HEAD? yuk yuk yuk!

остановитесь! Stop throwing insults.

I rather throw him! Back to Easter Island! Where is Easter Island?

Moai

So, he is "Moai" from Eastern Islands. Which Eastern Island - Nantucket? Big Deal, Russia is farther by much. - Vladimir

I think he said EASTER ISLAND, not Eastern Islands - Greta

Easter Island then, not spring from ground like tulip! We were not born last week, for what does he tell us these ложь?! - Vladimir

Perhaps he jokes with us. You have such easy buttons, Vladimir. - Greta