Step away from the coffee cup

Ahhhh! Truly wonderful aroma, this кофе! Quite strong-ish scent, somewhat mischievous, yet grounding.

Agh, we be ground if you do not resist! Release mug! We warned from caffeines!

Ahh, but just one small sip hurts nothing... mffff, it compels to inhale, taste, experience the caffeines, to yield to...

Остановитесь!! Step away from coffee cup!

Smelling the Coffee

Still thinking we try some кофе...much stimulation and energizing for us as perhaps we have springy fevers.

Mmmm, Vladimir, mayhap too much energizing you gnot so good ...coffee powerful stimulant.

Verily, I become even more charismatically dynamite!

But we are refused coffees...say adrenaline seriously whelming!

Neverminding, I keep try. кофе look quite fun!

GNASA

Ah we arriving, ready for work!

Mayhap we announce ourselves to security? Regard "Plant Security" sign...

Plant security? All shrubberies looking secure to me! Come, we enter hallowed ground of GNASA... and prepare to commence training program for Astrognauts!

On the Red Carpet

While we await moon mission, our fame advances! Surely Miss Gnomebody (film to future release) tell story of our trials and tributaries... our valourous deeds...

Truly, Vladimir, I think we mis-hear...film is Miss Nobody...

Ah, but perhaps we suggest to title Mr Gnomebody... after all is said and gone, my darings and dauntings inspire...

Why all paparazzis watching that way? We over here... hello? hello?

Countdown

We receive Launch Assignment from Mission Kontrol Commander for 13 day of 9th month! How exciting are we!

Yes, we to be first Gnomes on Moon! I document well with Moon Journal of voyage!

We counting down...162 days to liftoff!

Lunarcy calls!

Bang Zoom, to the Moon!

Vladimir I about ready to send YOU to Moon myself...Bang Zoom!

No, no, you cannot send me to Moon, Greta! Assigning must originate from Mission Control... mayhap they calling now...hark, I hear telephone ring?

You serious lunacy!
Ringings in ears and moons in eyes!

AstroGnaut

This my good side? I pose formal lunar astrognaut portrait! Mayhap I turn other profile...? Regard real helmet...

Hmmf, helmet too small for your big head...

Our famousness know gno bounds once first Gnomes walk on Moon!

...and pointy hood...

One small step for Gnome, one Giant Leap for Gnomekind!

AstroGnomes

Ahh...beautious, isn't she? We quite hypnotics by луна!

Look, our famousness great as we now bear officially mention in Moon Journal suggesting we mayhap first Gnomes on Moon!

Regard variety of colourings, shadings...

Hmm...how you think we might look in SpaceSuits?

"Intelligence"

We make contacts with real spy who very much interesting in us! Even he collect business card of us!

Mayhap for our radiatings and gnegativity appearings?

Mayhap, but likely most for our stealthings and cleverings! See how we blend with camouflagings... oh, we making of great spies...

But mayhap we must move to Virginia?

Busted!

oh gno! We caught Facebooking - Make chattings with fans! Let us gnot be ground!

Mayhap we say we searching for anti-radiating cure -- research garlicky remedies.

Garlicky remedies gnot for radiations, garlicky remedies for Vampirings!

Vampirings!? Truly we gnot interest for кровь! Eeeewwww!
Let us post facebooking page for fans:
http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/profile.php?id=1266333103&ref=profile

Gnegative Gnomes

Aagggh! What darkness fall on we now? We...become...charred from radiations? Oh GNO!

Relaxing, Greta...simply super powers of invisibility! See we melt in darkness... like camouflage...

We gnot melting in darkness, Vladimir, we become gnegative! Mayhap we gneed much rubbing with garlic to cure us now...

"Hot" Gnomes

Such radiation of us....
noticing some change here...

Mmm, yes, slightly we glowing...

Somewhat of disturbing, you think?

Or mayhap ever greater powers...

Hot Gnomes

Regard perfection circles around our feet. We...we... radiating!

Yes, truly our body heat dissapations melt snows.

Our powers multiply!

It Snow Joke

Much снег fall on us this day, Greta!

Mmmmfff!

Greta, regard how tall I look now?

Mmmmfff!

Ah, you some buried too...
we make emerging from under snow blanket...

The Year of the Gnome

Старый Новый год.
Today first of Russian year in accords with Julian calendar.

Illustrious Ancestor Пётр Алексе́евич Рома́нов or Pyotr Alexeyevich Romanov (Peter the Great) send us on Julian calendar in 1699; since 1918 we forced to fake new year with - *bah* Gregorians... but some traditionals still apply for Старый Новый год.

We wish Happyness of 2009 to all!

Hood Envy

Regard my envious hood piling! Adding almost twice of my heighting!

You too vain, Vladimir! And gnot helping with snow clearances, all "back-seat shovelling" from you!

I direct, of course, gnot to disturb massive snow hood! Gnot possible to move massive amount of snow AND retain majesticness of snow hood!

Vladimir, you retain majesticness of Cone Head.....!

Thanksgiving

Pah, Turkey is peasant food, gnot for Royal Romanov Gnomes like us.

But Vladimir, now we dissidents, we eat Peasant Food!

You be dissident and eat turkey! I be Royal and eat Turkish Delight! If turkey so great, why gnot eat other days?

Mmmm, perhaps turkeys die only for special occasion?

Ghost Gnomes

We veritable phantomes in gnew ghosting outfits!

Yes, but wishing we see how spooky-looking we appear...

Surely we dazzle treaters with bright spookiness!

Hmm, mayhap we practice a bit on spooky noises...gnot to startle (like "boo") but more to give shivverings with ghosting sounds...

Ooooooh! Whooooooo!

Many Happy Хэллоуин!

The Gnome Ranger Rides Again

Bad shrubberies trouble again!

I, Gnome Ranger, bring order to misbehaving plantings...(after I make some bit of dis-order first.)

Shrubberies fear me and obey!

Back to work!

Guest Stars

We make guest star appearings at CCTV blog to give tips for Treatings!

Yes, we invited to re-appear for awaiting fans to tell safeties for driving, treating, and gnot to have incident like last year when Vladim...

Greta! Please gnot to return to unfortunings of last Halloween!

...eat ALL Halloweening candy at once...

Greta! Ssshhhh! Could happen to anyone...

...and then be FAT...

Noooo! You pulling my buttons to bring up last year!

...and have sorrowful tummy pains...

You dissidenting me! You wear black and suddenly...

Ah, Vladimir...I tease, yes, for dark humour!

Paint it Black

I become диссидент. Wear black, make dark humour...

Greta! You truly gone сумасшедший. We Royalists; specific to dissident protest! We the"diss" of dissident!

But look me, I rebel agitator...colour very suiting to me, yes? Admire me such styleful dissidence....

Mmmff! Mayhap you be dissident for Halloween, but gnot for life!

StarStruck

Greta you become silly with звезды in the eyes for celebritty dissident poet Gneighbor!

But Vladimir -- calling of my passion is ascension to litterary status of true writer! And she gnuine Russian writer! Like Tolstoy! With fame! She so proximitate to me, my heart beats words...I feel truly now is time for I become truly litterati...

фыркайте! proximateness gnot transfer talent...writerliness gnot contagious like cold or flu or pox!

Mmm, perhaps she make real borscht... like in olden days... we share soups and scripts...writer to writer...as colleague...and mayhap I become диссидент too!

Greta, remove stars out of eyes right now! We royal Romanov gnomes, we cannot be dissident!

Gnoah's Ark

Ahhh, we make quick time trip through Black Hole to ask ancient Biblical Flood Master for best practices advices! Truly Gnoah gnows all...we must find Komrade Gnoah...

Vladimir, carefully to nudge walrusses behind you, they have large tusks!

Flashbacks

Finally!
Return we to fans awaiting with patience! We much busy with floodings... even Vladimir superpowers gained from Black Hole gnot strong enough to hold back flood when pipe burst. (Hmm, mayhap I revisit Black Hole to increase strengths...)

GNO, Vladimir, better we take on one of your flashback from previous dark matter adventure and revisit Ark and Noah for advices.

Of course! We both attend since we are two-by-two for Gnomes.....

One with the Universe

Ah! I return to Earth with infusions of power and strength! I One with Universe! I become Gnome of Infinitty!

And look -- pedestals await! Truly, I belong on one!

Most appropriate for gnew status and as "Gnome of Universe."

We Approach and Ascend...!

Gnew and Improved

Feeling myself better yet!
Moleculars to reorganize!

Mayhap I absorb increased powers and strengths! Mightier than before, full мощный and динамический!

Look how I aerial over small blue planet Земля! I return gnew and improvement!

Back to Black

Emergency plan for reconstitution Vladimir - he “there, but gno-one home” - returning him to Black Hole.

Moon is passed full cycle with gno improving. I worry greatly and have also some boringness as he has 1,000 mile starings to forever…

Plan thusly to heave Vladimir into Dark Matter for revive molecular structure and find Old Vladimir.

Wishing luckiness in such dangerous experiment...один, два, три...!

Gnot the Same Gnome

Helpings to us please!

Vladimir gnot self since returning him from Dark Matter Gravitations in Black Hole!
Gnote wild eyes and vacuum stare into infinities...gno swaggerings and brandishments any more! Gnot gnormal to be such calm!

I terrible worry that he perhaps самозванец and not Vladimir!

Incoming!!!!!

Powerful Vladimir break free of extremist gravity for return to Cambridge, Earth!

Such faith from Gnome Fans (and to Ancient Gnomecestors) who send wishings and whooshings to return I to Gnormal!

Many thank-yous to believers in strength and integritty of Vladimir who triumph against powerfulness of universal dark matter...I returning!

Gnarled Gnome

Twisting painful...many directionals!

To invoke helping from Gnomecestors of Past...

O, священные предки..
спасите меня!
Я - неприятность...

Must return to Gnormal family and gnot be Ground...must return...must return...

Ohhhhh, such contortions...focus to break freeeeeee!

Warping

There is some oddness feeling...
Greta! Do you see I here?

Greta?

Where am I gone? I am in tangles!

Help someone?

помощь!

Gravitas

ohGreta!ImovetooclosetoBlackHoleandgetsuckedinside!

Vladimir! Warnings again you un-heed when I say not to look too close to Dark Matters!

TrulyIwillbecrushedflatlikeoplatky!

Arrgh! Must to find un-gravity magic to outten you from Dark Matter pull so strongly!

HurryGreta!Hoodonfirewithgravitypressure!помощь!

Gnothing Escapes a Black Hole

Greta, enough of Gnome-smearing blogg...come to HubbleSite where announces more troublesome trouble: "Black Holes are out there... but what are they?"

But what are such holes?

Hmm...places hungry to devour all to grow large and gain gravity, which grow larger and hungrier so they swallow more, so they become more larger and more hungrier so they swallow even more so...

Oh NO! остановитесь!! Nothing escape, not even light! Oh, Vladimir, such terrible news upon us! What to dooooo?

Mmm...we save universe from black bottomless pits?

We are Innocents!

Accusations Abound!

Engadget insult and endanger Gnomes with racist remarkings! We rally with supports!

Swear-by-hoods, we do no-thing for UAE ships drift off anchors and malicious cuttings of cables...true we find trouble some times, but...

Technically, ourselves, gnot "garden gnomes"...

не брать в голову! Suggestion is danger to all Gnomes, beyond only red-hatted tacky-garden gnomes of which we much deride!

We are, ourselves, very innocent! (This time.)

The Gnew Grey

Oh, admire us our Springy outfits!

Truly tie-dye is the Gnew Grey!

We are Gnomes of Colour in hipp trendy style! Myself, I wish for some green splashes...

How well we look in gnew hues, truly we are hippest gnomes ever...

Let us to hope we are not groundest Gnomes ever...

Squeezy Bottles

ahh -- under stealth of night we examine squeezy bottles of color!

very colorful colors...

mmm, yes, more colorfulness than grey...

yes...bright and cheerful colorfulness...

colorfullness to look well on robes of grey...

Noooo, we must not be Trouble and be Ground! Stay far from squeezy bottles...

But if squeezy bottles of colorfulness "accidentally" spill on robes of grey...

RetroGnomes

Admire us in tied-death T-shirts so colorful and retro-ish!

I believe we say tie-die...

Still I am wishing we tie-die robes & hoods instead...grey very dull-ish... I quite like to be "gnome of colour..."

Yes, but quite fun to be hipp in T-shirts...very 60s...

Ye-es, but imagine robes of tied-die colorfulness... truly we might look wondrous hipp...

There's Gno Place like home

наконец! We make stealthy leaving and eject safely from blog!

Yes, much reliefs to be with earth and finish fearsome adventure! You next time heed to wise warnings!

We must be quick to not be caught on computer here and be ground...

быстрый! быстрый! Flee to deck...

Now what?

We arrive with welcome party, but where we are? Please извините меня, where is way out from Montgolfier?

We still loost, Vladimir! Very happy to see grass on ground but to leave this place? I am missing very much our little ребенок!

Yes, yes, Greta, we leave, but not to appear rude to welcome delegation for our arrivals. We make remarks and take leave with quiet stealth...

Land Ho!

Many fans jump on basket! Perhaps we receive royal greeting delegation to meet famous bloggstar gnomes... I make speech...

"Ahoy! We welcome ourselves, Vladimir and Greta! Do not worry on us, we are unharmed and in good healthiness!"

Vladimir! Ask where we are! Maybe they dis-acquainted with our famousness near and far...we do not gnow if they be friend or foe!

"Ahoy...uh...avast...friendy people, where is it we are come to?"

Carried Awaaaaaay

We looost! We looost! Oh Vladimir, I make warnings! помощь! помощь!

Relaks, Greta, open eyes to enjoy сценический view of Ural Mountain tops...fill lungs with good Russian oksygen...unclench fists...you have fingers tight like stone!!!

Ohhhh! I have much fear and гнев with you! Do not try to converse me until I kiss earth under feet.

Point of Gno Return

Aggh, basket tips! What...

Nooooo! Vladimir doooo something! We leave the earth! помощь! помощь! Please to save us!

Too late, we heave up! Hold tight...

I have great fear of highs! Oh we such Trouble now! Вы никогда не слушаете меня! We so doomed! почему Вы всегда получаете нас в неприятности? I gave warning! помощь! помощь!

Gnatural Curiosity

Ah, I arrive! Now for investigate. Hmmm, very interesting in side. Greta you climb in too?

I think not! Is плохо idea!

But look Greta, many pens and notebooks, surely you -- as writer -- like to see notings of voyages...

Pens? Notebooks? Hmm, my mind suggests not to listen, but yet...to see stories of voyages... OK I come in, but just for short peek...

Curious Gnomes

Such largish basket! Greta, come close that we investigate!

Ach, Vladimir, surely you make us Trouble and we will be ground. We do not trespass and snoop.




Of course not! We just look. For education purpose only! So much you worry...Help me to see inside basket! Much equipment or supplies inside there, I wonder... here, give me help up so I see...

Hot Air

Ohhhh, regard Montgolfier Adventure air balloon! How I like surveying from such airness!

Nooooo, Vladimir, I am much afraid of highness and floating...

Such brighly colours on puffy balloon...come, we go aboard...

Me, I think to run from balloon web page...

Greta, just to take look and see inside of basket....

Rushin' Russians

Wheeee! We лыжа with President Putin and Russian Olympic Committee President Leonid Tyagachev...

President VLADIMIR Putin...

Yes, you two too take traditional name...

Be care full, Greta, make attentions, you ski in front of estimable President Vladimir!

I much like Krasnaya Polyana ski area...

Gnaturalist Gnomes

But look, I find blue blog agree well with me! View of Hrvatska very nice.

Hmmm, Greta perhaps you come down from up there...I am hearing of some few "Naturalist Beaches"...

замечательный! I love natures very well -- animal, vegetable, mineral... maybe I learn some Croatians...
zivotinja...povr'ce...

No, Greta, *ahem* "Naturalist" is "нагой"..."голый"...Not hood...not robe...

!правда?! Such the дикий & сумасшедший Yugoslavians! They all must very красивый or else much смущающий!